Hot? Or Not!

As my lovely friend, Alison (I'm sure you know her well), and I sat on the banks of Top Bridge the other day, this was the view we were, umm, "treated" too.
It was quite humorous actually as Alison and I were wearing jeans and rocker tees and sitting on a blanket drinking tea, writing poetry, and smoking...kittens and spaniels. And they were sitting on the other side of the river talking on cell phones, playing with their little dog, tanning, and doing everything possible to make everyone look at them.
Alison and I found it quite excellent that we are about 36000 times cooler than they are and yet they dont realize that.
Oh, teenagers these days.

*Note* Damien has just informed me that I was not exactly fair during the writing of this post because I overlooked the fact that Ali and I are cooler than anyone.

I, Courteney Malek, apologize for not being fair.

Master Peace

-this is not supposed to make sense...it is the ponderings of ali and courteney aka betty and al-

Ponderings Atop This Rock.

this palm is the living space for
grains of sand.
slide through these fingers
infinite piece of earth…
…the wind is not your enemy.

the surface is not so rough and crude
on the rock where you once sat
-unmanufactured paradise.

oblivion will be lava-covered
beautiful moments in time.

red tea spilling
…the tears of an unfinished pot.
my third eye unveils
-no surprises-
only certainty.

the things that you write
look mystic.
it’s part of what makes you so
…surreal…

it’s weird to think
that half of these thoughts
come from something
other than
consciousness.
like what’s running a marathon
through my head
right now:

no. now. kno.
you know.

this masterpiece
-wrapped in
skin and muscles-
asking if you need a ride home
is even more obvious
than poetry!

muscles are powerful.
my head fills with thoughts of…
…sex
no surprise there
but most definitely
there is certainty.
the fact that you are
infatuating
makes me seek you more and more.

she thinks her giggles
sound like dragonflies
but really they are
ants.

your lies
are more truthful
than 10 000 of my
truths!

the texture of water should not be under estimated
it is a force-
lust. lust for life. lust.

you translate me pretty good:
you are quite good at translating
the things I say.

your translation is like
an artist painting
a landscape…
unveiling the truth
through beauty seldom seen.

is what your saving for last
best?
or is it something better?

5:15 is as good
a time as any
to do…what you do
so go on…
do.

A Thought

Painting landscape art is: taking a landscape and putting it through a divine being (person) and it coming out as something beautiful and true-that is impresionism.

A Prayer

"There is a bug on my prayer book."-Nabil.

Tofino, Careers, Princesses, And More! All Just $9.99 plus tax

"It's been 3 hours... I haven't brushed my teeth and the plaque is running rampant. But will she let me use the washroom? Noooo. Why? Because she's a princess! A reigning horror! The plaque is slowing making it's way from my teeth to the back of my throat... the nose, ears, and mouth are all connected to the brain you know and just guess where it's going next. I'm trapped here, forced to allow her to mess with my mind with her airs. And I'll tell you her airs are more lethal than the airs which crawls off individuals with bad B.O. I'd give anything for a toothbrush, even my hands. But I won't because she'd just revel in the irony of it all. I yearn so..."

"Yes Yes. I am a Princess (whoosh) and she is a Drama Queen...and I am being completely serious on both accounts. I mean honest to goodness...3 hours...hello? ADD much Ali? Besides why would you have a toothbrush at my house? Oh, wait...right I forgot...you're a creepy stalker who dosn't even have a good concept of what to do for a career...I mean can you just IMAGINE us running a hotel in Tofino?"

"Now she's preying molar on my lack of direction in life. Decay how does she expect to have direction when I am so confined here. I've developed closterphobia so quickly and so strongly in such a period cavity of time. She'll call the doctor's of course bacteria and pretend like she herself discover this instanteous mental marvel of my closterphobia enamel. A pox upon this castle and her herth."

"Of course I could never work at a hotel in Tofino...oh by the way ignore Ali, all the so called "plaque" is affecting her brain. Now where was I? Oh, Tofino and hotels. First of all, there are no hotels in Tofino, thank god...that would ruin the entire POINT of Tofino. Secondly, I am a Princess (whoosh) and we dont work. But of course I could still live in Tofino and surf and hang out and smoke...kittens...yes...kittens (note: thanks rick)."

"Ah yes, she would want to smoke... kittens. Anyone with any sort of balls smokes terriers. Not that anyone wants to see a princess with balls mind you. On the other hand if I were to say... get into some bedroom roleplay about knights and princesses, I'd rather be the knight so there's about a 50% chance that the princess would have balls in that scenario. I'm less of a swooner, more of a pilager. Which would make me less of a knight and more of a... pirate! The pilaging, the desperate need of a good tooth cleaning... definate pirate. Johnny Depp could be my first mate.
On second thought I'd really prefer to have Geoffrey Rush as my first mate... what a grin. Too much a man for any princess to handle."

"This Princess is perfectly capable of handling any Prince, Pirate, Vampire, Zombie, or Kitten that comes her way. I would be the wench on a pirate ship and the captain would be Bob Hope and the first mate would be Bing Crosby. Mmmm the rivalry...and the singing...and the rivalry. Oh and as a side note I would like to say that as hot as Mark Wahlberg is at the end of Rock Star he was once Marky Mark and is in no way shape or form anywhere near as great as Cary Grant. Also and Audrey Hepburn character cannot be played by a black girl...I'm sorry but it just dosn't work. Wow what a blog post, Johnny Depp, Geoffrey Rush, Bob Hope, Bing Crosby, Mark Wahlberg, Cary Grant, AND Audrey Hepburn. After saying that I only have a few more things to add: Sean Connery, Chris Walken, Harrison Ford, Humphrey Bogart, Betty Davis. Ok, now I am happy."

"ENOUGH! Survey asks: Courteney, if you were kidnapped by the mob for ratting on Bobby C and you knew they had every intention of torturing and maming you, which body part would you mind them cutting off the least?"

"Hmm...well I would have to say World Peace...oops...wrong window sorry. Well I suppose they can have one of my fingers...I've got nine others...but then...they couldn't have my thumbs because I've only got two of them...or my pinkies...or my index...or my ring fingers. Yeah...oh or my middle fingers either cuz I only have two of those too. As long as they dont take my nose...it's short enough already...andnot my elbow either...i'm self-concious about my elbows."

"I would have said fingers, the finger that Margot Teunenbaum lost at the farm. Get a wooden one to replace it and be a living tribute. Survey asks: Courteney, if after losing whatever body part, you and Bobby C found you had a real connection, started dating and thoughts began to form of a little house by hudson river. But before you can get married you've got to get in with the family, who'll feel jilted by you unless you ask the don for a favour. You know, one of those favours that you'll have to commit murder to repay... or even worse help him move. What favour would you ask?"

"Oh I dont have any problem asking people for favours...after all I am a Princess (whoosh). I also dont have any trouble commiting murder...after all I held Jade hostage for over a year...she kept leaving SOS Messages on the guestbook of my website until I was foreced to shut it down. Ok to answer the question: Yes Bobby, I will accept this rose. Oh damn...see I keep getting confused...there are too many questions in the world today. What should I eat for lunch? How can world hunger be solved? What colour should my hair be this week? Should I lie to my boyfriend or tell him the truth about sleeping with his sister? What favour would you ask of the mob? See what I mean? Ok, a favor from the mob...I would ask them to blow up 3 things:
1) The electronic sign at my school AKA biggest waste of money ever (by the way the principal of KSS is George Bush...at least it was him in my dream the other night).
2) The giant Paul Bunyon and his Big Blue Ox statue...I dont even remember where it is anymore...I just know I said I would blow it up.
3) The EVIL gnome on the way to Nanaimo...it needs to DIE. It has GLOWING RED EYES FOR FUCKS SAKE! CAN YOU SAY EVIL?!!!!????!!!!? Now that is a question for you: Who owns that and why is it still there?"

So this has been an interesting day...our first post together in some time. And it is a rather good one. But anyhoo, the Drama Queen has gone off to brush her teeth and I have invisible servants to order around. So more later darlings. Ciao.

--Betty and Al

NOTE *This blog in no way indorses smoking kittens or puppies, Pirates, actors, bashing movie remakes, plaque, oh hell...This blog in no way indorses this post.*

Yule Sponge Milk Buncy Love Queltezcotl Tintinnabulation Ass Tease

The name of this post is the title of the following little dialouge I am about to present to you. It was written by Courteney and Lua and it is rather fabulous.


Open Scene: Lua: (roles in.) How are you? (She drawls)

Court: Wonderful thank you!

Lua: Why I do believe that is the best news that I have heard all morning.

Court: So happy to pleeeeease!

Lua: I was just on my way to market. I am hoping the dashing chap I’ve had my eye on as of late will be there.

Court: Why what a coincidence! I too was planning to go to market on a similar venture!
Lua: Really? How wonderful for me. Now I shall have a walking partner. Do tell, who have you set your sights upon. Mr Handred maybe?

Court: Ahahaha! Mr Handred? For you perhaps, but I could never settle for a dullard like Handred. I’m afraid my beau is more virile.

Lua: Virility is somewhat overrated these days. I was talking to Mildred the other day and she says her husband simply wont leave her alone…honestly she never gets a moments peace. I prefer a man who has other duties to tend to besides…himself. But no I am not looking at Mr. Handred currently.

Court: My dear, you only seek such a man, because you would not know how fill a real man‘s time.

Lua: Oh I think I have some idea of how I could fill…a real man. It’s just that I feel I have better things to do then be some man’s…love slave. Maybe that’s ok for some women but I have my own life to live and I don’t intend to spend it catering to my husband’s every whim.

Court: Love slave? How very oriental of you.

Lua: yes, well father has been spending quite a bit of time in the orient as of late…I pick things up here and there…it’s the new Paris after all.

Court: Oh yes, the new Paris. I know exactly what you mean. Who is you father doing in the Orient anyways. Oh, sorry I mean what.

Lua: He has a Business partner there. (in a whisper) I believe the man’s daughter’s name is Chereise.

Court: No wonder you despise virility so. Your father is incarnate.

Lua: (laughing politely) Yes Yes, enough about father for now…I am quite sick of the man…I do wish eh would hurry in going back to the orient. He drives mother and I quite mad when he is here. Mother misses half her charity events when he is home because of all the silly things he demands…I mean really that is why we have servants. So I decided to pick up some lace today in the market so mother can make a dress for me to cheer herself up.

Court: What are you blabbering about? Lace?

Lua: yes, lace is very big right now in the orient and if father ever gets around to taking me on one of his trips like he has promised I will need to be dressed better than anyone there. A lady must always look better than the common whores on the street, that’s what mother always says. She always has the BEST advice.

Court: Yes, mothers do always want better for there daughters then they had themselves. I just implied your mother was a whore. Where’s your repartee now!

Lua: You are an idiot. You must get it from your father. Subtle insults are a very hard thing to learn how to do and you managed that one beautifully…until you spoiled it by obviously and uncouthly pointing out what you had done. Simply horrifying.

Court: Oh, I was only uncouth for your sake my dear.